if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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