What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
