Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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