I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
how does that bad decision feel?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
