No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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