if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
