I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
