My Higher Power is John Stamos
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
