I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
