We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
