I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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