It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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