He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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