i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
