sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
