my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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