when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
