she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No subtext here. People are naked.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
