I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
