I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
