I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
