Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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