Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
