Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize