Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
