Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???