So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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