for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels