Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
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In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.