Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
