Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent