Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.