Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.