I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
