Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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