I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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