Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Im part way to drunk.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
