i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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