what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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