i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
