a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
