How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
