I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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