If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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