I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
