I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
