Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
