I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
