i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
