In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
