I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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