so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize