I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
