My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
