I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
