I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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