just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
