Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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