Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
