In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
