he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
