four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
