i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
