Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Be still, my beating vagina.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
