I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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