I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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