Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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