Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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