Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
