He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
