I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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