Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
