Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
