How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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