i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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