A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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