so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
