Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
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I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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