I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
