I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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