Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
