You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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