All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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