my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
