We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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