So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
