He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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